Oh, If Only I Had a Fuckin’ Brain

Let the demons have their place
If so, it’s angels you’ll create.

I decided to go back over some of my old posts. Sadly, I was was moron and deleted scads of material.

Why-oh-why-oh-why do I do this to myself?

This isn’t the first time I’ve deleted (or lost) materials. There are literally hundreds of thousands of words’ worth of writing from my younger days that have been lost to the ether or destroyed by a fool who thought their glorious words were going to hit the big time. Since that was supposed to be the case, shouldn’t I hide the evidence that once upon a time I didn’t have enough command of English to qualify even as a hack?

No matter where you go, there you are, so there’s no sense in deleting the damned things you’ve created in the past.

In some cases, you end up actively working against yourself.

It would be lovely to go back over all the old, albeit embarrassing as fuck, stuff I wrote over the past couple years I’ve had my WordPress. Holy hell, I can’t believe how long it’s been. I can’t believe how long my journey has been.

I can’t believe the embarrassing shit I wrote that I once thought wasn’t embarrassing enough to be nuked. Small miracles, I suppose.

Lucky me–there were a couple things I read that, in light of what’s been going on, suddenly took on a whole new meaning. And illuminated what’s currently happening to me.

You’d think I’d learn my lesson and never do this again, and hopefully I will learn, but at some point I’ll nuke something that would have been enlightening further down the line. Hey, it’s in my nature, and nature compels us all. For example, even though I’m a software engineer with a damn good idea of the ephemeral nature of digital storage, I still don’t back up my stuff. You have no idea how many things I’ve lost because of that. And I just shrug when I lose stuff. Ah well, at some point you get used to it, I suppose.

Well, except work stuff. Fuck having to redo work.

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