The Inverted Candle

If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer,
then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer.

So, a week’s pretty much come and gone and, I don’t know what I’ve gotten out of it.

From a work perspective, I powered my way through a few challenges, discovered a fairly clear solution to what I need to do, and have now firmly mired myself in about ten thousand concerns that I’ll work through one by one.

From any other perspective, I don’t know. There was that feeling I talked about earlier this week. Whatever they signify, I’m just not ready to be honest with myself about it. I suppose that’s a form of clarity, and of understanding the heart. If you can’t be honest about whatever, you can be honest about not being honest about whatever. If that makes any sense.

Feeling worn down and useless this week, like I just want to crawl into bed and never wake up again. My health insurance doesn’t kick into until the second week of January, and I’m short on meds. Since taking a half dose is better than ending up with nothing to take at all, that’s the route I’ve been going. Definite difference. Been huffing and puffing. Asthma is bullshit. Anybody who purposely does anything that can damage the lungs is a piece of shit. Quit smoking, assholes.

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