This has been said so many times that I’m not sure if it matters.
Thanks to the new year, I didn’t have time to do all my regular scheduled stuff, such as divination. I did a reading on Sunday and now am ready to do some reflecting on it. I do wonder if I’m being too cavalier about missing a day. Although you won’t always be able to keep to your schedule perfectly. So.
The question, as usual, is: how should I approach the coming week? I pulled these cards:
Higher Love and Wisdom Khonsu
Anpu is in the Nekhbet-Mother-Mut position, meaning his energies will be dominant this week. Everything is subservient to Anpu (or at least the AO’s conception of him) this week. I, the initiate dove, the itinerant Heru, will try to heed his lessons.
Anpu indicates the need for surrender. He himself knows when to let go and this week I need to think about when and where to let go as well. This card could indicate giving or receiving spiritual/emotional guidance. But the thing he represents in the AO that resonates with me the most is this: Anpu is about making a transition and, in the process, letting go of old perceptions.
This week is going to be about starting a new cycle and, in the course of doing so, letting go of some things. This fills me with with both delight and dread because of the uncertainty. On the mundane side, it’s pretty obvious: this is the first new year with my new company, so I get to see how the big machine kicks into gear and how it sets itself up for the coming year. I need to let go of any lingering assumptions about what this place and its people will be like and just observe and I work.
On the spiritual side, I just don’t know. Those feelings I had a couple weeks ago–those feelings that were not unlike Bast’s holy longing–are back again, at least a little bit, and this time I admitted it. I said it aloud. Universe, I love you. I love your light, I love your dark. I love your love, and can’t deny the beauty of your terror. I want to scream that beautiful name from the rooftops, but I won’t.
Because who really needs to hear it?
Because I don’t know if that love is accepted. Where do you put unrequited love? What do you do when it fails to burn out? It’s a long journey from where I am and I just don’t know.
Moving right to left, we have Khonsu, who’s sorta shown up in a past reading in one of the white light cards whose name I can’t remember right now.
Khonsu is seated in the Nebet-Het position, so I can rely on him for the more intuitive aspects of the week. If I lose focus, it’s Khonsu who knows the way.
Khonsu is healing and exorcism, mainly through honoring the source of your pain and darkness. (He can also indicate the need for travel, or that you’ll soon be making travel plans.)
With Khonsu, I feel like the the thing that’s going to help me transition is to acknowledge my feelings and thoughts, get them out there in the open, honor–not scorn–them, and then move forward. At a certain point, all you can do is lay everything on the table, then keep going. Maybe in the future they’ll be the key to some lock or piece to some puzzle, but you can sit around waiting for the right lock or the right puzzle. Maybe you have to go out in the world knowing that you’re incomplete and may be incomplete forever. Maybe you have to go out and find the right fit.
So surrender for me, I guess, is to acknowledge and then move forward, and maybe that’s why having solid plans last week was important. After I spend the week just kind of rifling through my pockets and throwing the contents on the table, I need to soldier on. My polestar is always there, dazzling like a peacock. They are beyond number and gender.
The last card is Higher Love and Wisdom. This is a beautiful card, if you care to look closely. On the right, you have Set facing his shadow self. On the left is Het-Heru, goddess of love and joy. Above is Wadjet, the Eye of Ra. What this card is depicting is that, once we face our shadows and move past them, we can come to a place of love and light. Once we’re filled with love and light, we come to the feet of the Eye of Ra, the most beautiful example of a spirit that’s effective for Ra (an akh).
Higher Love and Wisdom is in the Aset position, meaning it’s the crowning achievement of the reading and the connection between earthly and spiritual. When you pull this card, you need to remember to love yourself. You need to do shadow work and face your inner demons. You also need to act with humility, which is befitting one who wants to approach the Eye of Ra.
Overall, I expect this week to be one of transition and gearing up for the rest of the year. On the mundane plane, that just means getting ready for all the tasks and goals of the year. Spiritually, this week is going to be spent facing down the darkness I’ve seen both in Ap-p and Kemet and working through it. Some of the darkness will be true darkness, and some of it will be of the inchoate variety. I’ll be writing a lot about stuff here in my blog, but I either won’t publish it or it will be set to private, because there’s some dirty laundry you just don’t air, no matter how few people you think will see it.
This week, I’ve got to be brave.
You’re a canary,
I’m a coalmine,
’cause sorrow is just all the rage.
Take one for the team.
You all know what I mean.