Ecks Dee

Today I am feeling so tired. I spent half the day out while my dog was being groomed. Not to mention I haven’t slept well for the past couple days. Given the fact I was out, I’m on sort of a time crunch, as many of my practices are scheduled for Saturday. But I’ve done almost all of the difficult ones. My reading from the BoDO is the last thing on my list today. The BoDO made sure I have plenty to think about. It’s left me quite fatigued. I may have to revisit this tomorrow after I’ve gotten some sleep.

As usual, the question was “how should I approach the coming week?”

                                Ra

Khepri             Wenut 4 – 5

Sobek         Geb-Nut-Shu       Shu-Tefnut

Nebet-Het       NN                  Shai                Shen Ur

The card seated in the Sirius position is Ra, so he is the guiding principle of this reading. Ra indicates the need for Maat (ie: justice, fairness, balance), leadership, power, dignity, taking important tasks seriously, protection, completion, adaptability, creative power, success, and he is also the conquerer of dangers and obstacles par excellence.

When you see Ra, you can’t just think of Ra at noon. You have to think of the emerging Ra, who brings himself into existence as Khepri (and Atum). You also have to think of how he descends to prepare for the next cycle as Atum. In this way, Ra is a very cyclical card who asks us to adapt to the day/week/situation/whatever as needed.

This week, I think I need to focus on being adaptable, able to switch from one context to another. I also think I need to consider the “taking things seriously” part, as I feel I’ve been a bit too frivolous lately.

Khepri is seated in a past position, indicating past thought patterns and their influence on present and future. Khepri represents rebirth, the start of a new cycle, transformation of a situation, inner transformation, and the renewal of energies.

I don’t want to go into it, but something certainly has changed bout me in the past week. Nothing huge. There’s still tons of work to do.

Wenut 4-5 is seated in a future-looking position, indicating a guideline for future actions. Wenut 4-5 refers to the darkest hours as Ra travels through the Duat. Even Ra’s own light can’t penetrate the darkness here. The road is rough and unpleasant and he must be towed along. The only thing anybody can do is grin and bear it.

If you’re going through hell, keep on going. ~ Winston Churchill

Wenut 4-5 refers to the dark night of the soul. It also warns you that, while it’s always darkest before dawn, you’re also coming to a low point of unhappiness and suffering. It’s not a terrible card to get, but definitely not something you want to see in a future-looking position when you’re already feeling drained.

Something is going to drag me through the mud this week. Whether it’s a coworker or some spiritual thing, I can’t say. What I can say is that things have been sort of tough lately (more on the work front than spiritual front). In a way, I do feel like I’m being towed along painfully slowly while trying to squint into the darkness.

No matter how bad it gets, I have to grit my teeth and bear it because there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.

Sobek is in a more past-looking position, indicating what compelled me to ask my question in the first place. There’s a very emotional aspect to the card that falls in this position.

Sobek refers to darker, more primitive instincts and emotions. That yucky stuff we don’t want coming to the surface. He is a sort of voracious, slightly negative presence in the BoDO. When Sobek appears, he’s a warning that you have some energies clouding about you that, if they get out of control, could cause your downfall.

I’m not sure what to think about Sobek in this particular position. Part of me thinks that, subconsciously, I’m feeling some energies that aren’t so great and the BoDO is warning me about them. Maybe I’ve stalled in my shadow work, have fallen too much into a groove. I feel a sort of apathy creeping in and perhaps I have this subconscious worry that became an ulterior motive for the question I asked.

Geb-Nut-Shu is a composite card, seated smack dab in the middle of the reading, indicating how the energies of all the other cards will relate to one another on a spiritual and mundane plane, as well as on an emotional one.

Geb-Nut-Shu is about creating space. Creating space to breathe, space to think, space to create–whatever. Just space. At the same time, Geb-Nut-Shu is also about separation, which can either be positive or painful. When you see these three, you know there’s a need for independent action.

I sort of have to embody this card.

A lot of this week hinges on me creating space. What I don’t know if what kind of space I’m supposed to create. Some place to process my emotions, certainly. Some place to act with dignity and seriousness on certain mundane and spiritual tasks. I think I’m still being pushed to do shrine work. That’s the only thing I can think of. I guess I’ve moved from being actively afraid to apathy. It’s apathy born of fear, but apathy nonetheless. Some of it comes from depression, some of it comes from fear, some of it comes from laziness, some of it comes from outer space.

Am I waiting for something magical to happen? Am I hoping that all of a sudden, everything will come together, all the dots connected, circuits wired, tracks written?

Why am I so afraid? Why be apathetic? How hard is it to light a little fire in a bowl? How hard is it to pour some water, to knock my head against the floor, to praise god? Why?

Is it because I would have to face the fact that I am now working with an Other? If I’m working with an Other, then so much is taken from my hands. If I work on my healing and growth in isolation, then virtually every aspect is in my control. But if I light that fire, if I pour that water, if I knock my head against the floor, if I praise god–I give something up to god. I lay it at his feet, and with it, a bit of my heart. Who wouldn’t crush it?

Throw the gates open, strew the flowers, sound the horn, light the incense, light the fire, pour the water, sing! Oh, you god, would you hear my entreaties? Would you ever consider me worthy in your presence? Should I come or should I simply continue to write you letters?

I think I have my answer. Now will I be alone with myself?

Shu-Tefnut has appeared in two separate readings. The first time, they were in the position that indicates past energies and their effects on the present and future. The second time, they first showed up in the Sirius position, meaning their energies were the guiding principle of the reading. They showed up again (as Netjer Netjeru) in the position that compelled me to ask my question in the first place, and the slot they fell in is a very emotional one.

Now Shu-Tefnut have appeared in a future-looking position, indicating the flow of emotions, energies, expectations, and wishes, as well as how the card placed here modifies those. I think Shu-Tefnut have been showing up because I really need to get started on that shrine work. But it feels so soon! I began working on myself back in November. It’s been two measly months. Two measly months where a lot has changed, but given the fact that I have a full year, it’s not that much. A drop in the bucket.

Anyway, Shu-Tefnut are a case of “opposites attract”. They’re a call for harmony, togetherness, compassion, love, camaraderie, and a union of some kind. When you see them, you know that the past and future may be in question, and that there are complementing energies at work.

I’ve always had this wish and expectation that I would find god again. I guess maybe it’s time to take the next step to find him.

Nebet-Het is in the seventh position, a past-looking position, indicating the past and how it’s still carrying forward. This card stumped me, but in the light of the above cards, she makes sense. I’m still carrying a lot of guilt and sorrow with me from the past. In a way, I’m still mourning over lost opportunities and burnt bridges.

Nebet-Het is deception and corruption. I’m lying to myself. What I’m carrying over from the past shouldn’t be ignored, sure, but like depression, I lie. I lie and I’m making myself sad because of it.

Perhaps it’s time to let some of that go. Or, at the very least, not keep me from going forward. I think this is the foundation of what’s making me apathetic about shrine work. To be honest, anything that I suck at right now and won’t improve on basically comes from this fact that I can’t let go of what I had and it keeps me from going forward.

For the eighth position, I first pulled Shu-Tefnut again. So I placed Netjer Netjeru here. Netjer Netjeru is seated in the position that suggests how I’ll advance my goals or react in any one situation. Once again, the BoDO is saying, “I have no fucking idea. Have you considered being consistent?” There’s just so many ways I can go at this point because I have a better handle on where I’m going.

The underlying card is Shu-Tefnut, so I’m guessing I need to seek the harmony, camaraderie, and union the two imply. After that, it’s a wildcard. Virtually anything could happen, even the unexpected.

The hesitation from Nebet-Het throws a wrench into things.

Shai is seated in the position that indicates the implementation of decisions, the power to do things, and personal action. Shai is the personification of fate or destiny. Oddly enough, he’s also seen with Renenutet, who appeared as Wadjet in this very position in last week’s reading.

When you see Shai, you should consider the influence of fate and destiny, but also the element of luck. Shai usually indicates a turn of luck for the better. Of course, that’s “usually” what he indicates. . . .

For some reason, the BoDO sees Shai as freedom from bondage as well. Seeing as how Shai determines the length of a person’s life and is with them until the very end, I’m not sure how apt this is. It doesn’t really ring true to me.

This week, I think I should work hard at things. I should take some risks if necessary. As I work, I should realize that there may be fate, destiny, or luck at play and not take it too hard. Sometimes you pull a good hand, other times you don’t. I usually don’t, so let’s see how this plays out.

At the same time, I can’t let fate, destiny, or luck allow me to be stupid.

Shen Ur is seated in the tenth position, which indicates what to do to reach decisions or reach a goals (or the card in this position simply answers the question). Shen Ur is a symbol of the cosmos that, having completely emerged from the abyss, now is the picture of balance and harmony. Even if these things are disturbed, they return to perfect equilibrium. Shen Ur indicates life, power, and stability. It is concerned with the establishment of order, or indicates harmony restored. It can be about integration and wholeness.

This week should be about reestablishing a connection with god, as well as promoting harmony, integration, balance, and happiness in my day-to-day life. I should take any tasks set before me seriously. That doesn’t mean I can’t laugh or poke fun, just that I can’t be too frivolous.

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. ~Malcolm S. Forbes

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