Before I Fall Down

This week has been utterly fucking exhausting, although I will say I used my energies to better effect this week. I’m so tired it’s going to be a close one for me to fulfill all my responsibilities for the day. So far I have to turn in my letter (needs proofreading, but pretty happy with it), read scripture, meditate, and do mindfulness exercises. At least the meditation and mindfulness can be done in bed, as a prelude to sleep.

With that preamble out of the way, it should be no surprise to anyone that I’m very happy that this week’s reading comes from the Anubis Oracle.

As usual, the question is: “How should I approach the coming week?”

                          Sopdet

Tree of Life                  Anpu

Sopdet just shows up all the time, eh?

O, Sopdet. O, shining Polestar.
There you are, and here am I.
If only I could be a faithful dog
tracking you across the sky!

For my chosen Polestar is a binary system. In Hinduism, I believe that would be Shiva + Parvati. For those of you who are Kemetic, that’s Aset + Anpu. Or it can be Bast + [Unknown]. I would guess Anpu, depending on if you can accept that Anpu is, in certain contexts, child of Bast. Which just sounds weird to me. Good, but weird. Moving on.

This is the first time Sopdet has reappeared alone. She’s shown up with Right Timing and Direction a couple times and of course she’s also appeared in other guises. Sopdet points out places that are ripe for renewal or resurgence. She is the healing after the pain. She’s the one who brings plenty after want, but remember that she is also the one who brings want after plenty. In general, the appearance of this card is very positive. You just have to remember that there’s always a flip-side with the Netjeru.

Sopdet reminds us that it’s always darkest before dawn. Her appearance in a reading indicates that you are not currently lost on whatever path you’re on. . . although I don’t know if that means you’re, y’know, actually on the right path!

Sopdet is in the Nekhbet-Mother-Mut position, meaning it’s her energies that are at play this week. As someone who’s been feeling worthless and beat down for the past couple of weeks, Sopdet is a very welcome sight. Like water to the thirsty, food to the starving. I love my Polestar and will continue moving toward him. I get a nice, fresh start this coming week.

The card in this position also hints at where your ego needs to be during the week. When things are fresh, new, and unknown, you need to remember to remain humble. I think this ties in with the rest of the reading, which I’ll get to here shortly.

Anpu has shown up in a reading before. He indicates the need for surrender. Now, I didn’t look into this much when I first pulled Anpu, but this time I read up a bit.

It depends on the religion you follow. From the context of mine, here it is:

Surrender is when you accept everything–good and bad–as divine grace from god. This doesn’t mean you don’t try to better yourself, or the world. It doesn’t mean you don’t try to help others. It’s just, whatever the outcome is. . . that’s grace. And on the dark side of things, sometimes grace is really fucking awful. And other times grace is really fucking great.

Sometimes this means clinging to god as hard as you can. Other times, it means letting go and letting god take care of you.

Which brings me to the subject of trust. Which I lack. Almost completely. I trust gods to be gods. In the context of human-immortal relations. . . my trust–you could say my faith–is greatly shaken. So much has happened I don’t even know exactly what shook my faith to pieces. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I just made the mistake of clinging to the wrong things, or letting go when I needed to hold on.

In the AO’s Anpu card, you see Anpu hanging upside down, gaining a new perspective on life. There’s a serpent twined around his feet and crawling downward. Yet Anpu looks serene. Not scared. There’s a certain degree of trust (or faith) that you must have when you’re hanging upside down to get a new perspective on life.

Beyond the concept of surrender, Anpu also helps us learn how to know when it’s time to let go, and then how to do it. He indicates that you can receive or give emotional/spiritual guidance. He is about making a transition and, in the process, letting go of old perceptions.

In my case, I feel like the surrender part is more important for the spiritual side of things. That’s what’s resonating the most with me this week. For the mundane, I think the letting go of old perceptions is important, because it’s my perceptions of how things should operate that’s made work for the past two or three weeks so awful and exhausting.

Anpu is in the Nebet-Het position, meaning I can rely on Anpu for the more intuitive parts of the week.

The last card, which is the crowning achievement of the reading and the connection between the earthly and spiritual, is the Tree of Life. This card incorporates Bast, Anpu, and Ausir in one beautiful image. Bast, as holy longing, ignites Anpu’s desire to know more, and Ausir waits for Anpu to die and live again in knowledge.

The Tree of Life asks us to consider the concept of surrender. It asks us to take a moment to be in complete stillness, in meditation. And in that moment, we should ask ourselves, what do we want to discover or renew?

The Tree of Life can also indicate a rite of passage.

Given Anpu’s earlier appearance, this week is going to be about surrender, what that means for me, how that’s going to change my spiritual (and maybe mundane) landscape, how to put that into practice, how to deal with my innate mistrust, etc. I think I need to try to move a little closer to god. It’s been four months now since I started on my year-walk. While I’m technically getting a little more than a year since I started last November, four months in is not that far from six months in, and I need to think about where I’m at.

Confucius says that it does not matter how slowly you go so long as you don’t stop, but I don’t think he envisioned somebody moving quite as slowly as me!

The longing is the there . . . the ability to be reborn is there . . . would I hang upside down?

I also have to wonder. . . what do I want to discover or renew? Long term and well as short term (this week).

Oh, I have some ideas. There are some things the soul never forgets. But will I admit it? And will I face the consequences? There’s the rub. The consequences could be very good or very bad for me. It’s only human to consider them. Perhaps that’s where surrender comes in. I don’t know. I need to sleep on it.

Whenever I hear that song
I get nostalgic.

 

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